December 21, 2012 is the day the world ends according to anthropologists who study Aztec and Mayan calendars. Now we don't really know whether the world will end on that day or if the Ancients just got tired to extrapolating any further into the future. To take the gamble out of the situation, the Captain's Wheel Resort is holding an end of the world party, Friday, December 21.
Just think. You can order an expensive cocktail, or several, a nice dinner, pay for your friend's as well and put it all on your credit card. According to the experts, you will not receive a statement. We at Bayviews are not sure whether that is because of the world ending or the U.S. Postal Service going out of business, but hey, let it all hang out. Due to the unusual circumstances, there will be no bar tabs. Cash machines are available, so the kited check won't work.
There will be those that are unbelievers of course.They are welcome as well, even if just to heckle those that lean toward Aztec wisdom. The honor of having the world end in our lifetimes is nothing to make fun of. Everyone will be encouraged to fess up about all of the rotten things they have done in their lives. You can of course address these confessions to a Supreme Being, (insert religious affiliation) or just to the person sitting next to you at the bar.
The matter of moral behavior has been studied as well, and the decision reached. For just this one day it will be legal to lust after your neighbor's wife. A cautionary word however. It is not very smart to do this in hearing of her husband, or vice-versa. Come to think about it, the ten commandments do not mention a woman lusting after her neighbor's husband. This may be the root of most of our marital stress, but forget that because there is no tomorrow.
So come on down, drink a responsible amount or have a designated driver. Make passes at good looking women/men. If you get here late, the picking may be slim and you will have to settle for either an ugly person, or even the one you brung with you. Details of special events, drink specials, etc. will be announced later, but you can depend on this being the mother of all clearance sales.
After you leave, find a warm dry place and get nekked. After all, you can't take your clothes with you anyway, and if you got lucky at the bar, git 'R done before midnight lest the world end with you in an embarrassing position. Unattached ladies are welcome to look for Herb with naughty behavior in mind.
Photo by Taryn Hecker Thonpson.
"I'm just a humble Muckraker who formerly wrote a neighborhood column for the Spokesman-Review, and now just this blog. write All rights reserved. No reproduction or use of this material without written consent is permitted by copyright laws. Contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org